Let’s be real.  The job search process is extremely stressful, judgmental, thankless, and, often times, upsetting.  Because of the high rate of rejection and the tremendous / sustained amount of hard work that goes into the job search process, many job seekers find it overwhelming and difficult to persist through.  To further complicate matters, job seekers who also deal with preexisting mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression, may experience added roadblocks along the path that leads to their dream job.

I am a career coach.  I am not a counselor, therapist, or psychologist.  I feel very comfortable helping clients identify and achieve professional goals.  However when it comes to helping clients navigate mental health obstacles, I know I need to encourage my clients to seeks the guidance of a mental health professional.  To educate myself and learn how to provide helpful information to my clients, I sought the advice of an accomplished and licensed professional.  Our conversation is the focus of this blog.

Mary Beth Somich is a licensed therapist who owns a private practice, Your Journey Through, in Wake Forest, North Carolina.  Mary Beth specializes in family dynamic work and providing modern, relevant, and relatable therapy for teens and young adults.  I must admit, prior to getting the idea for this blog, I was not familiar with Mary Beth or her work.  I started following her based on an Instagram recommendation.  After reading her posts for a few weeks, I found her Instagram account to be uplifting and informative and her website was just as interesting and inviting.  Digitally, she seemed approachable, so I went out on a limb and sent her an email about my blog idea. As it turns out, she is just as approachable in-person.  I hope you will find our conversation about navigating mental health issues while conducting a successful job search as helpful as I did.  Here we go 😊.

Lauren DePaul Barlow: In your opinion, what are some reasons why a job search has an effect on mental health?

Mary Beth Somich: I think there are lots [of reasons.] Maybe the largest is just that it can be a really discouraging process. You’re one applicant of many, usually.  I’m originally from New York. I remember when I moved to North Carolina and started searching for group practices to join (before I decided to open my own). I found that in the South I was having this totally different experience than when I applied to jobs in the North. In the South, it appeared to be so much more about networking, whereas in the North, I just threw my resume around, and since it had Columbia University on it, that was enough.  [In North Carolina] it was frustrating because I knew very few people so I was not getting as much interest as I thought I should. I was like, “What is going on? This is so discouraging.”

In that situation, it would have been very easy to get down on yourself. I think a lot of people do fall into that spiral. I tried to take rejection as an opportunity to get creative, and it motivated me to open my own practice, which ended up being the best career move ever. Although I’m glad it happened, it could definitely be discouraging. Having a lot of resilience and learning how to build resilience through that process can also help clients build armor and get through this process.

Lauren DePaul Barlow: What are some signs that clients might notice during the job search process that would suggest they need to speak to a therapist as opposed to or in conjunction with a career coach?

Mary Beth Somich: I always say this is measured by the level of distress they’re experiencing during the process. If you’re experiencing severe anxiety that is interfering with like your daily life. If you’re beginning to experience really depressive symptoms after several rejections, or it’s really impacting your self-esteem to a maladaptive level, then I would say it’s time to meet with a licensed mental health therapist. It doesn’t mean you stop working with your career coach.  Maybe they can even work in collaboration with each other.

Lauren DePaul Barlow: The job search is stressful for everybody and job search depression is being experienced by more and more people. I view a job search as an opportunity to make a positive change in a job seeker’s life.  However, I know that dealing with the negative parts of the search process is difficult, especially those that are dealing with preexisting mental health conditions. What strategies would you recommend for clients who are dealing with mental health issues to help them get through this process?

Mary Beth Somich: I liked this question because I hadn’t really framed it in this way of you already know that you’re predisposed to having anxiety and depression, and you’re about to go into this process that could be really triggering.  So you might be more apt to be a little more sensitive because the process innately comes with rejection and frustration. If an individual sees this as a potential trigger and they already struggle with these mental health issues, then I definitely recommend meeting with a therapist first to just process their fears and worries and have that additional mental health support throughout the whole process of rejection.

Even after they first get hired, they might want to have a little bit of extra support because that is a huge transition period and usually a learning curve and an adjustment. There is actually a diagnosis called adjustment disorder which would be perfect for transitions like this that bring about distress. It’s actually only a six-month diagnosis because it’s a temporary adjustment. For some, it may mean normalizing rejection as a process of redirection. Have you heard of viewing rejection as redirection? This is when we view rejection as a learning opportunity as opposed to internalizing that you are not good enough. There is a piece of acceptance in this idea. I think rejection as redirection means you are meant to be redirected into something that really is truly for you and serves you more for whatever reason.

Some might need to examine how their anxiety or depression may be sabotaging their likelihood for success.  Maybe that is already acting as a barrier. It is kind of like this self-fulfilling, self-sabotaging prophecy where they’re going into this process with so much anxiety, dread, and negativity that they’re really not manifesting any positive results, or not even able to finish applications fully and to the best of their ability. Clients could already be so depressed and so down that they don’t have the motivation.

Lauren DePaul Barlow: When job searching becomes too overwhelming, what are some things clients can do to help them keep their eye on the prize but also relax?

Mary Beth Somich: I think it’s great to be working with a career coach like yourself for this. Someone who can support them and give them direction. If someone is finding this process really stressful, also working with a therapist in conjunction with a career coach can be helpful, depending on your needs.

I see people tend to get really caught up in this process, so maybe it just requires a break. If you’re applying to multiple jobs per day, maybe you take the weekend off and just give yourself some space and prioritize self-care for a little bit. Focus on what else in your life is really important besides just that job search.

One thing I always say is that when you try to force, push, or manipulate any circumstance you almost create this blocking energy to what you want. It’s also just considerably stressful so releasing that attachment to the outcome can be helpful – there is some Gabby Bernstein for you. She talks a lot about the energy of allowing things.  When you stop trying to force, control, manipulate outcomes and exude an energy of “allowing,” more opportunities usually come your way in the long run.

Lauren DePaul Barlow: What are some strategies you use to help your clients recognize when they need to ask for help and tips you could give to assist somebody in starting a conversation where they’re trying to ask for help?

Mary Beth Somich: When you said, “identifying when they need to ask for help,” that was the first thing I focused on. Rating your level of distress on a scale from one to 10 and just sitting with that number can be a really helpful place to start. If it is significantly high, that is a big indicator that it might be time to ask for help. Kind of like a self-rating system of your distress with it. Then determining how much time out of your day the job search is consuming.  How long have you been applying to jobs unsuccessfully? Has this been going on for a month, four months, six months, a year? Lastly, considering feedback you’ve received from friends or family. Are they concerned about your mental health? Have they made comments about this process for you? What does that look like? I would use these self-rating and reflection measures to help clients identify when they need to ask for help.

As far as reaching out for help, just recognizing that there is no shame in that. This is an experience that virtually all people go through at some point in their lives as adults.  Usually, I simply recommend doing a search on databases like Psychology Today or goodtherapy.com for a therapist. Both sites allow you to filter by zip code, so you can find someone close to you who is familiar with the hiring climate in your area. You can also filter by the symptoms you’re experiencing. It’s a great tool for finding a therapist that I always recommend for additional support.

Lauren DePaul Barlow: As you know, what we do for a living is very closely tied to our identity and self-worth. What would you say to a job seeker who feels they lost a part of themselves when they lost their job?

Mary Beth Somich: This is a totally valid grief process and the stages might include the typical stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and then finally acceptance. I think when you reach acceptance, you’re able to see more creative possibilities to move forward and envision the recreation of your identity and self-worth in a new capacity. It’s when you have issues with the acceptance part that you might want to work with a therapist if you’re finding it almost impossible to get there.

Lauren DePaul Barlow: If you could leave our readers with one piece of advice, what would that be?

Mary Beth Somich: To resist the inclination to catastrophizing when it comes to the job search process. Job searching can feel really overwhelming, and at the same time, it’s important to understand that it can be done really strategically and in a way that feels even exciting. Thinking really flexibly and keeping an open mind to opportunities that may come your way, even if it’s not what you had initially imagined, can be a helpful way to frame this process. It might turn out even better than you originally thought.

I cannot thank Mary Beth enough for taking time out of her schedule to chat with me.  As I’m sure you can tell, she is an extremely knowledgeable, caring, and thoughtful therapist, and her passion for her work is evident by our conversation.  If you, your family, or your teen are in the market for a therapist, I would highly recommend reaching out to her to learn more about her private practice, Your Journey Through.  If you are interested in learning more about Mary Beth Somich’s and her work, you can visit her website or contact her directly.  If you are interested in chatting with a career coach, you can schedule a consultation with me by visiting my website.